Quenching a Thirst

Last sunny Friday in Cambridge my sabbatical German friend Marlene and I headed off for St Philip's Anglican school to attend Thirst Cafe Church.  On arrival in the school lounge we found lots of mums, toddlers and babies drinking coffee and chatting.  Leaders Sue, Rachel and Ruth greeted us with warmth and offered us refreshments.  Sue explained that they were meant to be showing Rob Bell's Rhythm DVD but they couldn't find the TV so there may be a change of plan. She didn't seem the least bit fazed much to Marlene's surprise who told me later: "in Germany if this happened, it would be a catastrophe!" 


After about 20 minutes of chatting, drinking and eating, the TV appeared and we all settled down to hear Rob Bell.  I love Nooma as I always seem to hear something fresh no matter how many times I've viewed them.  Sue says they often repeat them because the (mostly) mums like and respond to them.  " I didn't want to get people to come to do things they didn't want to do or feel comfortable with and felt that a Nooma DVD was something that people could relate to. They did not have to make any kind of outward or verbal response to it if they did not want to. I was also determined that I wasn't going to start a discussion around the DVD subject. God surprised us again because we showed the DVD, and afterwards somebody visiting asked questions and began a discussion centred around faith. The conversation started and has been going ever since! We very, rarely direct these conversations. They just happen naturally and we discuss all manner of spiritual issues which often carry on long after Thirst is over and have helped to develop and nurture people in the faith."

And that's exactly what happened.  Rob Bell reminded us that we all play in the orchestra of life, it's just that sometimes we are out of tune.  People offered their views, some introducing their comments with "even though I'm not a Christian.....".

After this Sue asked who would like prayer and then prayed for people and annointed one of the participants with oil in preparation for an operation this week.  It all flowed beautifully.  Children pottered around, chatting, playing, eating while "church" happened.  No one tried to keep children quiet or still and no child caused any disruption.  Sue announced that there would be three baptisms next Sunday and invited all to bring a plate and join the celebration also taking place at the school. She reminded participants that they were invited to Alpha on Tuesday and Eucharist at Thirst Cafe Church next Friday.

And then the kettle was back on for another cuppa!

Sue explained to me that small groups have emerged out of Thirst.  There is also intentional pastoral care as leaders and participants find ways to support those in need.  One New Zealander loves to cook so teaches other mums how to cook healthy meals and snacks for their kids.   Another mum feels she can't contribute financially but loves to garden for others.  And prayer is always on offer!

"The Christians amongst us at Thirst became known as people who would pray for people if they wanted it. We would often pray with parents in the playground, many of whom had no idea what they were asking for. We would find that people would simply stand where they were, bow their head and expect us to pray on the spot. When I look back on that period now, I suppose it was a case of God gathering people because they began to get healed, come to faith, and wanted to know more about Christ and how he could transform lives. It was about discipling them through relationship because many of them did not have any links with traditional church at all and some had never entered the doors of a church. They then began to attend Thirst and are an integral part of us now."

Sue and her friends started Thirst Cafe Church "officially" in 2007 but says that it grew out of 11 years of relationships and prayer that all started with mums chatting outside the classroom while waiting for their children to come out.

"I went through a phase of being concerned about the views that some people inside the traditional church have of people outside of the church family. The question was asked of us, 'Why don't some of these (unchurched) people come to church?' My response was to wonder why on earth they would! The church is an alien environment for many nowadays. We ask, even expect people to come and sit on a pew and sing songs, followed by a talk or lecture (as they view it). Both of these activities are unusual for many who have never been to church before. I wonder, what on earth possesses us in church to think that others outside of the church might want to do that? It is the Church that is alien in our culture, we are the unusual one, the minority."

"I was talking to God about it and told him, 'It's no wonder people don't go to church.' I 'heard' the question, 'What would they come to then?' I thought of what we did as friends together: breakfast, drink coffee, pray together, laugh together, have relationship and support each other. I said to my friends, 'Let's keep on drinking coffee but, if it's going to be church, it has to have more to it than a coffee morning. It's about transforming the community that we live in through our relationships, and in the power of the Holy Spirit."



"We don't know how Thirst will develop; we don't know what's around the corner. We are wondering about our next step but we know that we need to be obedient to God and follow his leading."

Education or nurture?

For many years now I’ve been grappling with the way we (the church) seek to nurture children’s faith.  Whenever I hear that a church’s children’s ministry strategy is being devised and managed by a Christian Education Committee I try to delve a little deeper into what they believe children’s ministry is.  Growing faithful children, especially in today’s secular world requires so much more than education.  “Christian education is no substitute for real, living membership in the community of faith,” says Gretchen Wolff Pritchard in her book “Offering the gospel to children”.

“The nurture of children within the church is commonly known as ‘Christian education’ and takes place almost exclusively in the church structure known as the ‘Sunday school’ which models itself on regular school.  It is organised in (mostly age segregated) classes with teacher (albeit often untrained), who use curriculums with lesson plans.  It operates on the unspoken assumption that children must learn how to be Christians….before they can actually begin to do any of the things that Christians do together in the community of faith: pray together, celebrate the sacraments, share their faith and their lives, cherish the hope of things unseen and bear witness in love and service in the world.”

I was invited to run a “mission evening” with a Presbytery last year and my brief from the clerk seriously challenged me.  “You don’t need to tell us to minister to children,” she said “we all know that already!”  Well this had me flummoxed.  I’m the Kids Friendly Coach, what am I meant to talk about, if not children’s ministry?  After much deliberation, I decided maybe they did know they should minister to children, but possibly they had a limited understanding of what children’s ministry is.  So I prepared an interactive workshop on what it really mean to “let the children come?”  In small groups participants discussed statements started with “children’s ministry is…..” and shared stories of how they and their churches respond to this.  I was relieved at the end of the evening when the clerk said to me:  “That was wonderful.  You really got us thinking!”

The Kids Friendly ideals and self-review is a good place for churches to start if they want to develop a holistic children’s ministry strategy.  The review process helps churches explore the way children are included and valued as full participating members of the all age faith community and also encourages churches in their mission to “unchurched” children and families.  But for children to really be accepted as fellow-worshippers there needs to be heart-felt intention.   

“Baptised children are not recruits or trainees.  They are Christians. It is their birthright as Christians to be included in the life of God’s people in community: to approach God in awe and love in worship, to be welcome in to the sacred space, to receive Christ body and blood, to know and be known to their fellow parishioners by name and to express their faith in service, not as a class project, but as member of the parish family.” (Wolff Pritchard)

For children to be truly included in the faith community, the congregation needs to remember and honour their vows made at children’s baptisms to nurture and welcome them and help them grow as Christians.   “In a sense we are all Godparents of every child in the church.” Pritchard suggests that this responsibility may mean we take turns, to sit with a restless child, to support his parents and help them to relax in worship.  As a congregation we need to remain committed to children being there with us before God’s altar.

Pritchard reminds us that parents too need to be “educated” and encouraged as they bring their children to church.  Parents need to learn that if their children are to be fellow parishioners they do not need to say “shhhhh” to every enquiry, or offer a cracker or bottle or storybook to distract them.  Parents need to invite children to experience worship with them.  They need to sit upfront so children can see what is happening and whisper in their child’s ear “look watch Pauline (our minister’s name), she is picking up the cup now and saying the special words Jesus said.  Or “Close your eyes now because we are going to say the special prayer Jesus taught us” etc.

Jesus said “Feed my sheep”. He also said “feed my lambs”.

Let the children come to me

I have been reading an inspiring book called “Offering the gospel to children” by Gretchen Wolff Pritchard. Claimed by one reader as “a Christian educator who truly understands what it means to let the children come”, Gretchen shares her passion and creativity for sharing God’s story (“our story” as Westerhoff says) so that all the congregation can learn with children.

Gretchen speaks of her early experience of Sunday school teaching when she was a student in the 60’s:

“The Sunday school was run by a different person each year. There was no curriculum, teachers did what they could with what materials they could find or make up. The occasional energetic volunteer who tried to provide organisation and direction soon burned out. The space, in the basement, was dingy, cluttered, unsuitable for its purpose and unsafe. And I have heard the same story again and again from all across the church.

The canons of the Episcopal Church require that lectors and chalice bearers must be trained and officially enrolled or even licensed by the bishop. These ministries are simple, mechanical tasks, requiring minimal talent or training, but we care enough about the dignity of our liturgy and the holiness of work and sacrament to make sure that they are performed with skill and grace. But anyone can walk in off the street and teach Sunday school. No training is required, no license is conferred, and no recognition is given. Church school teachers to their work anonymously in the back hall or basement. Once the annual quota of volunteers had been filled, the congregation and the clergy with a sigh of relief happily hand over to them the whole business and do their best to forget about it for the rest of the year.

Years go by in some Diocese (I can name the Presbyteries where this is true too) without a single workshop for teachers and few have staff positions for Christian education.”

Sound familiar? Unfortunately not much has changed in 50 years…

Fresh revelations?

Living in Westminster College and being surrounded by so many beautiful churches and choices of every style of worship possible, every day of the week, almost feels like living in an era of Christendom. “Why are there so many castles?” my 13 year old son Blake asked on our first walk through the beautiful ancient city. The many magnificent churches with their tall spires could be construed as “castles” built to glorify the king of kings.

Being raised in the Anglican tradition means we have really enjoyed evensong at King’s College and Trinity College. Today we are going to listen to the St John’s College Choir singing from the chapel tower to celebrate the Ascension of Jesus.

But also of real interest to me is new ways churches are seeking to engage with the ‘non-churched’ or ‘de-churched’ comprising 90% of the population in this and our country.

Last night I attended “On the edge” a “Eucharist service with a difference, using contemporary secular music to bring edgy subjects together with Christian worship.” It’s evolved from its beginnings as the "Goth Eucharist" and claims to be “for people who are on the edge of church, and often on the edge of society too, people whose lives are often difficult and edgy. We can all feel like that sometimes.”
Next week I’m going to "Thirst", a café church run in a local school for parents (and others) wanting to explore Christianity in a non-threatening way. And then we’re off to a “pub church”.

I’ve been following the Fresh Expressions movement for years. (“Fresh because there are no new ways of being church” says Pioneer Mission Training tutor Rev Dave Male.) I’ve read the books and reports, attended conferences and watched all the videos, so it’s great to be in the land of Fresh Expressions and experience some of these firsthand.


Messy Church is probably the most widely known Fresh Expression of church due to founder Lucy Moore sharing her experience and resources through books, websites, DVD’s and training workshops. It is estimated there are now over 1200 Messy Churches operating in the UK, Canada, USA, Australia and New Zealand.

This week I have been reading an interesting doctoral thesis “Messy Church: growing missional connections through multigenerational worship and learning” by Rev Judy Paulsen, priest of Christ Memorial Church of Oshawa, Canada.

Judy was interested in seeing whether this new form of church could enable an established parish to reach de-churched and non-churched people.

“The (Fresh Expressions) movement as a whole, and Messy Church as one of its forms, is still in a dynamic phase of growth and change” says Paulsen, “serious research on the actual praxis of Messy Church and the effect it has as a new form of evangelism, discipleship training, and worship is needed.”

Her doctoral thesis includes qualitative and quantitative research from interviews conducted with 17 families all who had attended Messy Church regularly for 6 or more months. It makes for an interesting read and not surprisingly the overwhelming results reflect what so much other research shows, namely the power and importance of parents to influence a child’s faith. What is surprising, is the interest parents expressed (even non-churched parents) in learning to do this in a community of faith.



“In a highly secularized society, children receive little in the way of religious instruction, and employment and recreational demands on Sundays can be expected to further erode attendance at either Sunday worship or Sunday school. In this context, it will be essential for the Church to equip and support parents as the primary Christian educators of children. By teaching parents about this key role and supporting them with helpful resources, the Church will have a much better chance of encouraging the passing on of the Christian faith to new generations.”

Messy Church creates opportunities for adults and children to explore Christian faith together. A key attraction for the participants. Paulsen’s research also revealed the important role of grandparents in influencing their grandchildren’s faith.

Our churches are full of grandparents, grieving the fact that their children have left the church and that their grandchildren are “non-churched” (i.e. have no understanding or knowledge of the Christian story.)

Grandparents make up 30% of the Christ Church Messy Church congregation and this new form of church encourages and facilitates them to share their faith with their non-churched grandchildren.

Says one grandmother: “you know . . . going with the kids and being a part of something like that . . . that’s meaningful to me . . . and them being a part of it . . . there are some days I think [laughs] . . . , now why am I going here, these kids have parents [laughs] . . . but I do.”



As I say to the many grandparents in our churches. You’re never too old to make a difference!

Children’s ministry blessings

Yesterday I went to the biggest Christian Resources Exhibition in Britain. Hundreds of Christian organisations had stalls promoting their mission and products and 20 workshops were on offer as well as seminars promoting the focus of the day. Yesterday’s theme was “Family Day.” I participated in workshops addressing faith in homes, how to respond to the exodus of youth in our churches, raising young leaders and a most enlightening interview with Rev Paul Langham who has paraphrased the bible and published it through the Bible Society as “Who?” He has written it “so those who will never engage with the bible can hear the story of Jesus and the early Christians”. I look forward to reading it with my son Blake.

The most inspiring conversation of the day was with Diane Brookes, national coordinator of an initiative called “Open the Book” that equips teams of church volunteers to tell bible stories weekly in primary school assemblies. The programme was started in Bradford in 2001 and launched nationally in 2007. There are now 6,332 volunteers going into 1,212 schools and reaching 210 000 children weekly.

“Open the Book is replanting the gospel stories in our culture at a time when they are in danger of melting away” says Rt. Revd. John Pritchard, Bishop of Oxford, as he commended the volunteers on their work.

Open the Book has other benefits too. Barbara Meardon, Children's Work Adviser for the Diocese of Salisbury says: “Not only does Open the Book enable children to hear the stories of God’s family, but it opens the door to churches to build positive and trustworthy relationships with local schools. It also involves volunteers who never dreamed they could do “children’s work”, to do it really well and make a difference. These volunteers often end up then offering to help out with other children’s ministries that attract children from “their” schools.”

AS I listened to Diane’s exciting sharing of Open the Book’s vision and mission I thought: “I bet the process of sharing bible stories transforms the storytellers too, as they re-engage with the stories in new and creative ways”. And then I found this poem in their latest newsletter…..

I helped open the Book for the children,
God’s wonderful story to unfold,
Tales of miracles, magi and angels
Of prophets and kings, brave and bold.

And I was there at the birth of creation,
The land and the sky and the sea.
Walked in a garden at Eden,
Tasted fruit from a forbidden tree.

Was enslaved in a far distant country.
Rejoiced with God’s people set free.
Followed in the footsteps of Moses,
Towards Canaan across the Red Sea.

I’ve ridden a “hobby-horse” camel
Through a burning hot desert storm,
Knelt at a “clothes-airer” stable
The night that a baby was born.

I followed the man they called Jesus
From the shores of Lake Galilee’
Cheered with a crowd waving palm leaves,
Mourned at the foot of a tree.

I wept on that first Easter morning
At the sigh of a bare empty tomb,
Marvelled at the marks of the nails
On the man in that locked upper room.

Yes, I opened the book for the children,
But the amazing truth is, you see,
In opening the book for the children
It has opened far wider for me.

“It has opened far wider for me” by Margaret Daniels, Barnwood Primary
School, Gloucester

Oh the beauty of ministering with and to children! We are so blessed to get just as much (and often more) than we give!

Bringing the generations together

Our trip to the UK began with a week in Northumberland with my husband Paul’s family from Newcastle and his brother and sister from South Africa and their children. After days of doing tourist “stuff” including walking Hadrian’s wall, we would gather around the table at our B&B to enjoy a meal, play cards and chat. Our group consisted of Jenna (12), Blake (13), Simon (25) and David (27) and the “olds” – the 50 “somethings!” We had lots of hilarity and also a fair bit of reminiscing of growing up in South Africa. My husband’s and my family used to holiday at the same “health farm” but never at the same time. As he and his siblings shared fond memories of their holidays, I felt a knot in my stomach. “I hated those holidays at Blanco” I said. “We used to have to go the “children’s dining room” for meals and were forced to eat “awful” food.” They had no recollection of this because they were all old enough to eat in the adult’s dining room where the food and company was great. My experience of this place means I have no desire to return and certainly wouldn’t inflict the place on my children!

I wonder how many adults today feel the same about their childhood church experience where too often they were banished to a cold hall away from the adults, and presented with unpalatable “food” dished out by sometimes intimidating Sunday School teachers.

When non-church going parents in their 30’s, were interviewed on their perceptions of the church, (Attracting New Zealanders to Spiritual Life. AC Nielsen) they stated that churches are not places for children.

What do they base their perceptions on? As they don’t currently attend church, their views could only be based on hearsay or personal childhood experience.

Rainer Research estimates that 70 percent of young people leave the church by age 22. The statistics in New Zealand is I would imagine even more alarming, as only 7% of the population go to church and many of those are over 60 years.

So what can we do to enhance young people’s experience of church and reduce the inevitable desertion. Fuller Institute’s Kara Powell has done extensive research in this area and asserts that involving young people in intergenerational relationships in church is the answer.
Is the Era of Age Segmentation Over?

Churches first started segregating their congregations in the 1940s. “We were not offering teens enough focused attention. So what did we do? We started offering them too much. All of a sudden churches had adult pastors and youth pastors, adult worship teams and youth worship teams, adult mission trips and youth mission trips. And there's a place for that. But we've ended up segregating—and I use that word intentionally—our kids from the rest of the church. Now we tend to think that we can outsource the care of our kids to designated experts, the youth and children's workers,”says Powell.

Powell equates the experience to family gatherings where children are relegated to the kids' table (this resonates with my Blanco experience) excluded from pleasant conversation and expected to degenerate into “Jell-O snorting contests”. “Theoretically we were having the same meal; but we were having two very, very different experiences. That's what we've done in churches today.”



After years at the kids' table, young people know what kids club or youth group is, but they don't know what church is.

“We've found that one thing churches can do that really makes a difference is getting kids actively involved in the life of the church. There is a strong link between kids staying in church as young adults and beyond and their involvement in intergenerational relationships and worship."

Intergenerational worship is something that needs to happen every Sunday not just once a month at the “all age service”.

There are so many ways to involve young people in worship andin the life of the church. They can serve as greeters, readers and musicians in our services. They can share testimonies and lead worship.

And involving teenagers in ministering to younger children has a profound impact on their faith development too.

And while it can be difficult to find a “one size that fits all” when it comes to worship, remember when children and teenagers are engaged, adults will be engaged too (that’s why they love the children’s story!)

Intergenerational relationships are key to helping young people to belong and commit to churches.

“We asked high school seniors what they want more of in youth group. Time for deep conversation ranked highest,” says Powell. I remember reading some similar research conducted amongst children in New Zealand who were asked to rate time spent on video games or playing a board game with adults. The latter was overwhelmingly positively rated by all participants.

Powell suggests that to promote and facilitate intergenerational relationships churches adopt the five adults to one kid policy.

“I'm talking about five adults who care enough about a kid that they learn her name, ask her on Sunday how they can be praying for her, and then the following Sunday ask her, "How did it go with that science test?" Our study shows that even these baby step connections can make a real difference.

And the good news for many of our churches is that smaller churches have greater potential for promoting intergenerational relationships.

I know from experience that a lot of adults are intimidated by teenagers and don't know how to talk with them. When we run Transformers camps for intermediate age children we ask adult mentors to accompany the young person to camp and commit to “mentor’ them for a year as they serve their church. Too many churches say they have children keen to participant but can’t find mentors. Those churches who have committed to this leadership development and mentoring programme for their young people have been transformed.
We find that when our mentors serve together with their mentees it creates a shared experience, and age is irrelevant”, says Rev Anne Mills of Chartwell Cooperating Parish.

“If adults in a church caught a vision that every kid needs to have their name known by five adults in the church, we would increase the numbers of deep intergenerational relationships and change our churches for the better,” says Powell.

Powell’s research also confirms the role of parents in children’s faith development and longevity. “It's very important for parents to share about their own spiritual journeys with kids."

And of course the role of the minister is crucial. “The behavior and attitudes of the minister (towards young people) set the course for the church,” says Powell.

Sharing "our story"

I’m still not quite over Westerhoff.  He’s definitely a man after my own heart. 



Rev Caroline Fairless preparing communion
with children at Holy Family Church



I was reflecting on  the power of stories yesterday (Rich Stories) and then came across this today.  Westerhoff stresses the importance of us knowing, understanding and living “our story” and encourages us to allow children (and everyone else) to experience the story of our faith and God’s historical acts in the lives of his people creatively.  “Children, youth and adults need to experience the faith story through song, dance, drama and the visual arts.  Classrooms tend to structure experience in ways which cause us to teach about our history.  It would be better to return to the fireside and supper table where we can recall ways and dramatically retell the story of the mighty acts of God.  It is necessary for us to learn “our story” in ways that make the past part of the present and future.  We must once again become a story telling people.  We need to seek ways to communicate the story as our story, ways to express it through word and deed and ways to use it as a foundation for reflective action.”

And…. “Too often we tell our story as if it were a series of separate past events with a minimum of personal significance.  So, God freed some Israelites from bondage in Egypt.  How much more significant to recall that God freed us in our bondage once, continues to free us and will free us until the end of time?”

All this talk of authentic, life giving story telling reminds me of one of my favourite books by Rev Caroline Fairless “Children at worship. Congregations in bloom”.  Caroline shares wonderfully creative ways to engage the all age congregation in “our story”.  She brings back the "fireside" in her storytelling with her all age community of faith.

Borrow the book from the Kids Friendly library if you’re interested in building intergenerational communities of faith.

Rich Stories

I’ve had a morning rich with stories. It started out with worship in the Westminster chapel (I love this daily ritual that sets me up for the day!)

Janine, our worship leader, had us sit in a circle around a bare tree adorned with beautiful butterflies. I so appreciate it when people are creative with their worship space. It creates an immediate sense of intrigue and expectation. And then Janine spoke straight to my heart: “I’m going to read you a story this morning. So, are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…..”

“Monkey Puzzle” by Julia Donaldson tells of a baby monkey looking for his lost mum. The butterfly offers to help him and takes him on all sorts of adventures where they find animals that meet his description of his mum, but aren’t his mum. Eventually in exasperation he says, when the butterfly shows him an elephant, “No, that’s not my mum! My mum looks like me.” “Why didn’t you tell me that” says the butterfly. “You see my children don’t look like me.”

An extract from Janine’s prayer: “Lord, forgive us for the times when we imagine you are like us and try to make you in our image. Forgive us when we use our caterpillar language to describe the multicoloured moods of your love and capture the iridescent beauty of your satin wing. Forgive us our caterpillar greed and our caterpillar speed and our ground bound caterpillar needs. By your love and grace, help us to lift our eyes to see with joy your touch and beauty and help our witness to be a more fitting preparation for our transformation into your glorious life.


Through Jesus Christ, your image and our model. Amen"

And from Meister Eckhart:

Apprehend God in all things
For God is in all things.
Every single creature is full of God
And is a book about God
Every Creature is a word of God.
If I spent enough time with the tiniest creature –
Even a caterpillar –
I would never have to prepare a sermon.
So full of God is every creature.

Then I was apprehended in the corridor by 88 year old Stella, an ex student of Westminster College staying here to work on her memoirs. “I want to finish them before I die,” she announced.

Stella hadn’t used her computer for a year so couldn’t remember her password and wondered if I could help her. I followed her into her room and after a few variations on the password she thought it could be, we struck lucky. I asked Stella what she was writing about. For over an hour she told me of her childhood, her faith journey, her studies at the Missionary Medical College in London and years as a medical missionary in India. She told me of miracles and answered prayers. More than once she said “how can people say there’s no God when he’s so present?”

On leaving Stella’s company I felt a bit guilty at the amount of time I had spent listening to stories when I should be in the library “studying”. And then it struck me. What more powerful way is there to learn than from each other’s stories? What academic or theological tome can capture the heart of what Janine and Stella shared this morning? And how blessed am I to have this opportunity to stop and take the time to listen and reflect on our and God’s stories?

“Stories are the creative conversion of life itself into a more powerful and meaningful experience. They are the currency of human contact.” (source unkown).

And one for the road from Voltaire, French philosopher…..

"If God did not exist, he would have to be invented." But all nature cries aloud that he does exist: that there is a supreme intelligence, an immense power, an admirable order, and everything teaches us our own dependence on it.”